Have you ever
felt the need and the desire to die – to end the bleeding of your heart, the
insanity of your mind, the restlessness of your emotions, the flow of your
tears, and the haunting of your nightmares? Have you ever felt the agony of
passing hours - seeing pain and fear for every ticking of the clock? Have you
ever felt a desperate need to call onto someone – a person to help you, to
quietly listen to your worries, and to openly understand your feelings? Have
you ever failed – failed to die even when life already seems meaningless,
failed to stop the passing of time even when every second is only devoted to
pouring tears, or failed to call onto the perfect person who could empathize
with you?
At some
points in my life, I have also fallen into despair – a situation where I don’t
think anyone could understand me, a place where I lost belief in the power of
hope, a circumstance that devoured my sanity and stability. I also have friends
who experience the same nadir points in life albeit at different degrees and
varying ways. There are also millions out there who are now being vocal about
the reality that sadness, hopelessness, and desperation may occur to anyone no
matter how seemingly strong and happy she is on the outside.
Despite the
increasing awareness on the possibilities for an emotional breakdown, there are
still many who do not know how to relate to people who are experiencing pain
and suffering. There are those who easily give comments as to the shallowness of
our feelings as if any emotion is more important than another. There are also
those who naively talk about the beauty of our life as compared with the
problems of other people. There are those who question the validity of our
feelings and the acceptability of our thoughts. There are those who want to
help and empathize but give judgments instead of quiet understanding.
Whenever we
are at the lowest of lows and the saddest times of our life, there are
tendencies to forget about how good life has been in the past. These problems
trigger something undesirable to our mental faculties. We start to become
irrational. We fail to control the emotions that pull us down. We start to
think about the easiest way to get out of despair – by ending our lives,
shutting people from our hearts, and forgetting about the supreme being who we
thought caused our endless suffering and airless breathing.
Some people
are able to cope up with the desperation while others continue in languish and
further into deeper torment. I know a few people who succeeded in ending their
lives. I have friends and acquaintances who overdosed with drugs, released
drops of blood with a cutter or knife, tried to lose breath with a rope tied on
their throats, but all ending up still alive today. No, I have never actually
tried to end my life; but, I totally understand how the thought of dying seems
to be the only way out.
Are you
presently going through a rough road without sturdy wheels to continue the
journey? Do you feel that no one understands you, that no one truly listens to
you? Are you tired of hearing people whom you know are concerned about you but
are unable to make you feel lighter with their words?
Some of those
I know who have gone through a similar circumstance chose to seek medical help.
They have gone through clinical observations, consultations, medications, and
counseling sessions with psychiatrists and psychologists. All these procedures
and steps have helped them go through and surpass the anxiety, the emotional
torment, and the mental condition. Although
the public perception on mental health is starting to become kinder, there are
still thousands if not millions who laugh at mental disorders as if it is
something so rare and totally unacceptable. Let this not hinder you from
discovering the medical explanation to your reactions to certain life
circumstances.
On my part, I
was able to cope up with sadness and hopelessness by changing my personal
perspective and renewing my faith with the only being who can lighten up my
heavy heart, silently understand the cries of my mind, and faithfully carry on
accepting and loving me.
If you are
presently suffering from emotional turmoil, this may sound foolish and
insensitive to be heard and accepted as true. Changing perspective is not
easily done. When the heart is heavy, it is extremely challenging to see beauty
and light. When the mind is filled with anger, it is difficult to focus on
happiness. But changing perspective is an essential step to rising up from
desperation.
To be able to
change perspective, you have to believe the promises and realities of the world
with a supreme being. You have to know God and the kind of grace that He
offers. You have to know that there will certainly be troubles in the world,
but the pains associated with these problems are all temporary. Accepting that
problems are natural phenomena in an imperfect world will lead you to manage
your expectations in a correct way.
Know that you
are not the only one who experiences depression. Even David expressed the
anguish in his heart through Psalm 6:6-7, “I am weary with my groaning; all
night I make my bed swim; I drench my couch with my tears. My eye wastes away
because of grief; it grows old because of all my enemies.”
Does it
bother you that David and millions of other people have already experienced
excruciating pain due to heartbreaks, life frustrations, diseases, rejections,
and other anxieties? Do you question God’s love and existence because of your
own pain?
Then you have
to go back to the way that you see things. Examine your perspective. Do you
regard your life right now as the final destination of your journey? Do you
perceive pain as an end in itself? Do you still long for better days, or are
you deeply attached to the present aches?
Taking our
own lives will never end our suffering. Having the perspective that life on
earth is our final life makes us desperate, insane, and lonely. Once we take
our own lives to end our present pains, then we only start the perpetual
suffering outside of heaven.
Know that
nothing on earth can truly provide lasting peace in our hearts. We are tried in
order to understand our inability to sustain happiness without God. Our family,
loved ones, and friends can provide comfort during times of distress; but, there
will also be times when these same persons can fail us and let us feel
deserted. During these trying times, where do you turn to?
God sees all
our pains. He knows how our hearts beat according to how we think and feel. He
has the ultimate knowledge about our circumstances. Cry out to Him. Bring all
your burdens to Him. There are times when no single word needs to be uttered in
our prayers. He knows our groaning, he understands our pain, he listens to our
cries, and he has plans to save us from our own dungeons.
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